Biting Off More Than I Can Chew

Good news or bad news? For me, I always go for the bad first. I vaguely recall reading somewhere about what it says about one's personality but for the life of me I can't recall what now.

Anyway...

This month is going to be extremely frustrating what with the over-abundance of public holidays (never thought I'd hear myself bitching about THAT!) and its consequential dearth of working days. My job has evolved to so much more than its original job scope ; last night I bitchily commented that I wanted a total job title revamp. And to my surprise, my boss readily agreed. Well let's see 2 months from now...

Everyone's going off for their holidays - I had to cancel my LA trip. Ah what the hell. But I think I'm gonna miss my family for real, for once this Christmas, especially since everyone's gonna be there while I'm stuck here. 99.5% chance I'm gonna be spending it at work with my dorky staff.

I typed an entire long rant but reading it over, I laughed and deleted the whole chunk. Truth is, I'm having hella time with my work. Yes I get home at 7am in the mornings (This whole week!) and sleep at 9, only to wake up at noon and work a couple of hours from home before heading into the office again around 3-4pm. But I find myself strangely invigorated.

Yesterday while sorting my flood of emails (the best friend is gonna laugh when he sees my sorted folders...) I came across one of those mass-CC-fyi emails, in which the totally anal-retentive control freak of director from SAFRA wrote "Just follow up with Nic and he'll tell you how to handle it". I could have taken it as yet another "arrow" but stopping for a minute, I rather take it as a measure of how much the woman is depending on me. Yay for me.

Ok enough of all that. I will manage, I will overcome, I will succeed. And the good news? I've gone down from 90kg (Yes huney I was there) to 83kg currently in the span of 3 weeks. I fucking kid you not.

All About The Brokeback

Ok fine, I'm damn slow but I finally caught Brokeback Mountain on dvd, having ordered it in an insane moment on Amazon.com.

It was everything I expected (and feared) it would be when I chose not to watch it back in 2005. it was long, it had (overly) long sweeping scenery moments (damn you Ang Lee) and it made me have to reach for at least 5 Magnums before I finally finished the movie in one sitting. That and alot of restless moving to and fro for any slightest excuse, including checking my emails, calling a random Chinese restaurant for delivery (in vain) and watching movie clips on my iPod while trying not to fall asleep.

Critically acclaimed? It does prove to me that the media has its pet projects (like we don't all know that) and for what's it worth, it'sa good movie but it could have been alot better. Unless the movie was filmed on the assumption that the viewer would also be a reader of Annie Proulx's works.

In which case, load up on the silent innuendoes and artistic sweeping shots and whatever else that might / might not be occurring, leave it at the feet of "how different readers take the story is a reflection of their own personal values, attitudes, hang-ups" for your own intepretations of what's (boringly) going on.

There were at times I found myself wishing desperately for a serial killer or something to wander onto the film set and start murdering people, just to pick the pace up a little.

Why? Because as romantic as the notion of the love depicted within might seem / sound, it just doesn't apply to today's Youtube generations' of "no holds barred, responsibilities, traditions and discretions be damned".

And you can take that anyway you want to infer from me. :P

Holy Crap...

Taken from the Straits Times

A MOTORCYCLIST suffered serious head injuries after his bike hit the rear of a car, which in turn, collided into two other vehicles on the Central Expressway (CTE) on Monday.

The chain collision happened on the CTE towards the Ayer Rajah Expressway, just before the Braddell Road exit, at 10.35 am.

The 61-year-old motorcyclist was rushed to Tan Tock Seng Hospital, where he died at 12.55 pm.

- END -

Now, before I really freak out...

My cab was there like, FIVE minutes before ok?! Cos' I reach the office at 10:45am today...

Loss

Today was one hell of an exhausted day for me.

I had barely dozed off from watching an episode of Lost I had just bought on dvd, when my brother shook me awake.

"Mama just passed away," he sighed, referring to my grandmother, "Dad wants us to handle the details for Mum."

My mum had never been really close to my grandmother, hence I understood what he meant immediately. I got up and changed, gave the little furkid a hug and his walk and feed before rushing through the rest of the funeral preparations. I managed to catch my dad and had a few words before I left the house and drove down to hospital with my brother.

As expected (and much the subject for sniggering conversations) my extended family started streaming in with varied histrionics. The wake is to be held at my place and barely into the first hour I was already groaning from the constant stream of visitors.

After a harried dinner, I had my elder cousin take over for a while and headed up to take a shower and just escape from all the noise. Just before I stepped into the inviting wall of steam and water, I heard voices down the hallway. Grinning, I slipped into my shorts and walked over to my parent's bedroom.

As usual, my parents were arguing over some nitty gritty detail that my father had cocked up and had my mum riled. I went over and gave my mum a hug as they stood before the apple-white closets they had put in before the Chinese New Year.

"You ok?" I asked with an eyebrow cocked. She sighed and let herself be hugged by me. She told me that she was turning in and handle the visitors early tomorrow.

Watching her settle into bed, I went and sat beside her. She fussed with the bed covers and sank back into the pillows with a satisfied sigh.

"How was work today? Did you inform your boss of Mama's death?" my mum opened the conversation with as usual, a query into how my life was at my new job.

"Yeah it was fine. I got time off easily, it's the first time I ever had to apply for leave under such circumstances."

"You better cherish this job. If you need to go off over the next few days just go, your brother is on holidays and can be here to accompany me if I need any errands to be done. And you, better treasure me now, life is so short. My time isn't far off especially now that Mama is the first to go." Her smile took the edge of the warning in her words. But I know what she meant.

I assured her that I had things well in hand, then something struck me and I leaned forward and ghugged her again. Her hand patted my hair.

"Mum, you know I can't function if you were to go, " I said seriously, "You know the first thing Dad said to me? It was damn weird.

He said 'now that your mum is gone, I don't know how we will go on.' Odd right? Why would he say that? Mama left, not you."

There was a silent pause. I guess she must be working out why my dad said what he did. I snuggled deeper into my mum's arms. Her familiar scent, that aroma that meant I was home, safe from the world's worries and cares, permeated the room.

I never hugged my mum enough. My grandmother's passing away reminded me of the mortality of those around us, that we should not take our loved ones for granted.

My mum gave a sigh and patted my head in that loving gesture I had always known as a kid. "Boy, there is something you must know."

Dread filled me, yes there is something I was supposed to know. I thought over my dad's words in the morning. I know what it meant, but in the rush of activities preparing for...

It hit me. The loss. The truth of the past fortnight. My eyes widened in horror and my arms held my mum tighter. No, this was not right. I am not prepared. My mum was here, next to me. My eyes caught sight of the calendar on the bedside table.

But reality was reality. I felt my mum's hand rest on the nape of my neck in a reassuring manner. She wanted me to accept the facts. I am an adult now. But I didn't want to remember May 30th. I started to sob and shut my eyes to prolong seeing the truth.

I embraced my mum and felt her comforting warmth for the last time. "I love you Mum." I whispered raggedly.

I opened my eyes and the stark emptiness of my bedroom greeted me with its chilly silence. In that infinite moment between seconds, I tried to deny one last futile time, the truth.

Sitting up, I felt the loss of my mum two weeks ago all over again.

Clutching the cold sheets around me, I wept.

No Love Like A Mother's

On 30th May 2008, at approximately 1839 hours, my mum left this world for a better place.

Though I have mentioned on and off to friends about my mum's battle with cancer, only an exclusive few truly knew the depths of pain and suffering that my mum went through.

Over the past couple of weeks, it was numerous trips to the hospital and late night vigils for me as I watched my mum slowly slip away.

Finally with a peaceful heart and mind my mum left in her sleep. I couldn't have asked for a better way to leave and for that, I am truly thankful to God.

Over the past weekend, I was also touched that at that lowest point in my life, the people I expected least to turn up, did and demonstrated unasked for friendship, support and encouragement.

To my NS buddies who showed, despite the fact that we went to separate units after ORD, our bonds spent outfield was enough for you to be there. I thank you all.

To my friend in Cambodia, you know who you are. For the words of encouragement and prayers, I thank you.

To my paternal uncles, aunties and cousins, your silent support, handling of thankless duties like clearing the rubbish and dirty cutlery, getting food and drinks for guests etc. and constantly watching that my family does not keel over from exhaustion and grief, I thank you.

To my aunts and cousins who were there for my mum and my family throughout the months of pain, I truly begin to understand the depths of unconditional familial bonds. I thank you.

To "long lost" friends like Alex, Adrian (Pigeon) and Millicent, my silence over the years was not a factor for you guys not turning up and your presence was a comfort. I truly appreciate it. I thank you.

To my exes, love shared wasn't love lost. Thanks for remembering my mum. I thank you.

To my other. You know the bonds that tie us together. Thanks for being there.

To my best friend, no one knows as well as you do how much my mum really means to me, as does yours to you. Through thick and thin, the joys and sorrows, the achievements and the failures, to have you there during my greatest loss is a comfort beyond compare. Thank you doesn't begin to cover it. But I thank you nonetheless.

To the countless SMSes, phone calls, MSN messages and even emails, thank you for bothering to see if I am okay, for caring despite the years of non contact.

My mum led her life with simple dignity and great personal strength. It's that legacy I hope to carry on with my life.

Deadlines

So it came to be that I have 3 major deadlines this week, falling nicely on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday respectively.

These deadlines are major not because I usually don't have any, but the presentations determine my scope of work for these 3 separate accounts for the rest of the year till Mar/ April 2009.

Delivering a brand campaign strategy is not something one pulls out of his ass everyday, needless to say three at one shot. (3 guys at one shot though.. hmmm.. post stress celebration? Hahahah..)

I had a major mental block, partly due to the fact that I had 2 other smaller accounts for whom I had to dedicate my creative juices to as well. Being in the position where I am, it was pretty much expected that I lead and drive the creative processes. Most nights I went home feeling frustrated and returning to work with a heavy sense of dread.

For many days I sat at my desk a work, staring at emails clamouring for my attention and leadership. I gave non-commital answers, missed internal deadlines and basically was being the jerk-ass colleague everyone hates. I was working without direction, was incredibly sulky and just not responsive. The lack of support, emotionally, creatively, whatever-ly, was just not there and I was on the verge of blowing my brains out just to lessen the headache.

Maybe I work best when the deadline is IN MY FACE. Monday night I was hit by a sudden rush of inspiration with regards to my 3 campaigns and I sent out a flurry of emails laden with instructions and directions. I activated the various teams under my lead and sent everyone scurrying for research, background information, current situations, I created templates and workflow sheets. I dictated ideas and processes. I made firm decisions and more importantly, without knowing it, I was delegating my ass off and demanded answers, results and end-products.

I was bouncing off the walls with my burst of adrenaline and in my impatient haste to get the finished results of the orders I sent out, I even rearranged the position of my table in a better orientation within my corner of the office. Within 15 minutes I had a new desk direction and I was settled in sending out replies to emails that came in while I was offline (for 15 bloody minutes!).

"Hey wait", you might say, "Wasn't your first deadline today?". Yes it was and I delivered it with a fresh sense of confidence. The clients took in my proposal, they asked questions, I snapped my fingers and I had the relevant research in my hands. They were happy with the answers I had for them coupled with the assurance that their brand campaign will achieve results beyond their projected goals. It was only later when the client offered to buy my team lunch that I found out, their own HQ called in with news that they were delighted with the initial brand launch I conducted in January and was told to go along with whatever I am going to propose.

I can't express my sense of overwhelmed delight at hearing that. The principal who had given his blessings is no less than a CEO of an international luxury watch brand and it was both gratifying and humbling. Gee I guess he DID read the reports we send over then.

It was also during lunch that the second realisation hit me, alot of it was due to my delegation. I've always worked within very tight work-teams and most of the time, I'm used to running a one-man show. Saddled with multiple teams of people to manage, I had not given much thought to making sure MY work-load is evenly shared out and instead, I ended up biting off more than I can chew.

So I walk away from this a slightly different person than I was last week. I fully understand and grasp the silly folly I made when presented with the challenges and I'm going to make sure I loosen my anal grasp on things in future.

Gotta go now, have got 10 other things to dictate. :P

Singapore Police Force At Its Stupidest

f you are living in Singapore, you would have to be in another dimension if you haven't heard by now the notorious escape of Mas Selamat Kastari, a terrorist who planned to hijack and suicide pilot an airliner into Changi Airport in 2001.

What's laughable about the entire affair is the gargantuan host of mistakes the SPF and it's "boss", the Ministry of Home Affairs made and are continuing to make ever since the local Houdini made his escape.

Here's a chuckle I came across online and shared with a whole bevy of my friends and colleagues. Even as I type this now I hear laughter from various corners of the office.

Simply put, we know this feller is a Houdini as he not only escaped from our very own Whitley Centre but a couple of other prison institutions as well. He must be damn cunning, probably cunning enough to assume a new identity already! Here are some of the possible personas he may decide to adopt.

How many can YOU spot? :P (Picture courtesy of TalkingCock.com )