At The Gym

The gym that I work out at caters to alot of working professionals. That however never gave me a so called upper class feeling or whatever, I first joined that gym chain back in 2001 and to me, the higher premiums doesn't mean anything social status wise or what so ever.

But apparently some people think it's a pretty big deal. From the messy ways they use the equipment to loudly demanding service at the front counter to the snobbish attitudes over the selection of lockers, it's like as if being a gym member very hoity toity lor.

Today something classic happened in the gym.

I was just finished with my workout and I sat on the bench in the locker room, catching my breath. (Fine I'm fat and I pant slightly more now after every work out.) Now throughout the day at the gym, be it peak hour or whatever, the average profile of the gymmers are rather much the same. They fancy themselves as high flying professionals, constantly checking their Blackberries on the treadmills and discussing stock options on the gym floor, loudly comparing COE prices for their latest 2-litre cars and which gym acquaintance they saw at the last condo open house whatever. It's so trite you really wanna laugh over the silly poseur-ness of it all.

2 such typical corporate types were hamming it up at the locker room bench, loudly proclaiming to each other whatever stock market crap deal they had observed etc. Down the row of lockers I saw an Indian guy walking towards us. I really didn't give the oncoming guy much thought.

The taller of the talking pair, a Chinese guy, already dressed back in work clothes after his shower, was clutching his bag ready to leave with his wet towels in the other hand. Out of the blue he turned round and tossed the wet towels (2 of them usually, a bath and a work-out hand towel) at the Indian guy and said "Thanks mate!".

He thought the Indian guy was a cleaner! Now I really don't understand how that mistake could be made cos' firstly, he was dressed in basketball shorts and a tee shirt; cleaners in the gym have a kind of obvious polo green tee shirt and pants outfit. Secondly, well.. there is no "secondly"! He didn't resemble a cleaner in any way! Duh!!!

There was like, 5 secs of awkward silence as his conversation partner, the Indian guy and I came to the above conclusion. The sheer cheek of it!

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing in a bwa-ha-ha-ha manner on the spot.

The Indian guy dropped the wet towels with this utter digusted look expression and said in a tone that lowered the air-conditioning by another 10 degrees, "The towel bin is that way."

I couldn't contain my laughter as the Chinese guy red-facedly scooped up the towels, inched past the indignant Indian guy and practically dashed for the bin and the way out, leaving his flummoxed friend behind in the locker room.

And they claim I'm racist. Pfft

The WHAT Industry?!?!

I am not sure if I should be flattered or insulted that my colleagues dumped this in my in-tray this morning.

The title heading the document, replete with a Republic of Singapore insignia was "INVITATION TO TENDER -FOR- FOR APPOINTMENT OF CONSULTANT TO DEVELOP A SET OF ACCREDITATION STANDARDS AND ASSESSMENT FRAMEWORK FOR THE LOCAL DATING INDUSTRY".

"The WHAT industry?" was my reaction.

I read on further.

"1.1 On 17 Nov 2006, the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) announced new initiatives to raise standards in the local dating industry.

1.2 As the local dating industry becomes more developed with the emergence of new players, it is timely to raise professional standards in the industry through accreditation to give singles the confidence to use services provided by private sector agencies.

1.3 This accreditation scheme will be introduced for the local dating industry in mid-2007. Accreditation standards would be applied to both dating agencies and dating practitioners. The accredited agencies will carry the Social Development Unit (SDU) Trust Mark."

Am I the only one who finds it laughable that we actually live in a country that has to depend on a set of government regulations on match making agencies for DATING?! Even if you attend a SDU event, are Singaporeans so mindless and spineless that they can't detect scams and what-not using their own common sense?! What's next? Laws regulating fucking?! Oh wait we do have some of those...

Sigh.

72 Virgins by Steve Martin

This is HILARIOUS.So which one are YOU?

Virgin No. 1: Yuck.
Virgin No. 2: Ick.
Virgin No. 3: Ew.
Virgin No. 4: Ow.
Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen!
Virgin No. 6: I’m Becky. I’ll be legal in two years.
Virgin No. 7: Here, I’ll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!
Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first?
Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why?
Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, “Like, what are you doing here?,” and I go, “I’m hangin’ out,” so he goes, “Like, what?” . . .
Virgin No. 11: First you’re going to have to show me an up-to-date health certificate.
Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home!
Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special?
Virgin No. 14: I’m eighty-four. So what?
Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Virgin No. 16: Even I know that’s tiny.
Virgin No. 17: “Do it”? Meaning what?
Virgin No. 18: I’m saving myself for Jesus.
Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel.
Virgin No. 20: Don’t touch my hair!
Virgin No. 21: I hope you’re not going to sleep with me and then go sleep with seventy-one others.
Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller?
Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?
Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, “Could I see you in my office, Miss Witherspoon?”?
Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck!
Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot?
Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums?
Virgin No. 28: It’s so romantic here, dead.
Virgin No. 29: Well, I’m a virgin, but my hand isn’t.
Virgin No. 30: You are in?
Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.
Virgin No. 32: I’m a virgin because I’m so ugly.
Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?
Virgin No. 34: I’ll betcha you can’t get an erection. Go on, impress me. C’mon, show me. Show me, big shot.
Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven “virgin” has a slightly different meaning. It means “chatty.”
Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.
Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend.
Virgin No. 38: I’m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot.
Virgin No. 39: It’s a lesion, and, no, I don’t know what kind.
Virgin No. 40: I’m Jewish. Why do you ask?
Virgin No. 41: Hi, I’m Becky. Oh, whoops—you again.
Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! Camping is so great! Can we go camping sometime?
Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m a single mom.
Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift.
Virgin No. 45: When you’re done, you should really check out how cool this ceiling is.
Virgin No. 46: I’m almost there. Just another couple of hours.
Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit.
Virgin No. 48: No, you’ve got it wrong. We’re in the Paradise Casino.
Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, it’s late.
Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. And after this is over I’m going to find one.
Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, “move a little”?
Virgin No. 52: Not now, I’m on my BlackBerry.
Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave.
Virgin No. 54: We’ve been together twenty-four hours now, and, you know, sometimes it’s O.K. to say something mildly humorous.
Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the other virgins.
Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh, this must be it. No?
Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know it’s not me.
Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles.
Virgin No. 59: Did you know that “virgin” is an anagram of Irving?
Virgin No. 60: First “Spamalot,” then sex.
Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised.
Virgin No. 62: Was that it?
Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a motorcycle, but instead I got you.
Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can call me Bob.
Virgin No. 65: They’re called “adult diapers.” Why?
Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in Düsseldorf for money.
Virgin No. 67: I’m just Virgin No. 67 to you, right?
Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis?
Virgin No. 69: Condom, please.
Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa.
Virgin No. 71: I’m not very good at this, but let’s start with the Reverse Lotus Blossom.
Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up

Oh My Effing GAWD

This was a conversation between me and a supposedly (posing as, I suspect) industry-pro of a marketing manager for a supposedly established events management company.

Me : "I have a proposal for my client, Singapore Science Centre and they're looking to do a Festival coming March."

Her (in very auntie ah soh buying fish from market voice) : "ah yes. How much your budget?"

Me : "I don't really have those figures yet, I'm currently proposing to them."

Her : "So your event is what?"

Me : "It's a Festival being held by Singapore Science Centre."

Her : "So what kind of event har? Dinner and dance is it?"

Me : "NO, its a FEST-ival."

Her : "So where is this festival?"

Me (sarcastically) : "It's by Singapore Science Centre, where do you think it should be at?"

Her : " In town is it?"

OH MY F**KING GAWD. It should be legal to shoot stupidity like that.

The Rant Post From The Office

Well, for the first time in weeks, I'm bored at work, waiting for clients to revert, waiting for emails to confirm, waiting for the clock to hit 6.00pm, waiting waiting waiting.

Yes, I'm bored. Very.

One thing that has come to mind on and off is that I seem to have fallen off the blogging bandwagon. I still take snapshots with my phone, i've taken quite a number more wth my digicam. Snapshots that upon reviewing were rather nice in their quality or composition, but frankly were too lazy to upload and share.

So here and now in the office, bereft of my own laptop with specially selected pictures (and photoshop ffs!) I shall attempt use my time effectively enough to write an entry that endeavours to be engaging and entertaining in its read.

Yeah right. You very free also hor?

Ok time for random thoughts spewing;

1) Which blinking moron actually thinks Mahatir deserves a Nobel PEACE prize? For someone so obviously antagonistic towards the West, bitterly jealous over Singapore's economic success and rather ham fisted in his oh-so-obvious overthrowing of his former deputy Anwar cos' he couldn't handle the competition (which also sparked off riots in KL), yeah I can see how he is such a paragon of virtous peace making ideals.

2) My god. I know I'm working in a rather Chinese-oriented company but even the enunciation of Shirlyn and Charlene is something most of my colleagues struggle at.

3) I had a rather weird dream last night, where I was a resident in Wisteria Lane, having to plot how best to burn Sarah Jessica Parker's house down cos' she slept with the Blonde Best Friend's friend's boyfriend and someone ended up in jail or something. Yes it's the worst mash up of SATC and Desperate Housewives ever and it only happens here in my dreams.

4) After the recent almost-meltdown I had with regard to working on the 3M pitch, I have come to the conclusion that while being initiative-driven might be an admirable quality, it's mostly a waste of time when you work for a mostly-family-run company.

5) Got an offer to buy a 1Gb thumb-drive for only S$34 bucks.

6) What's more icky than coyly cruising that cutie at a couple of tables away during your company's D&D only to find out that he isn't an undiscovered hottie from the Creatives Department or whatever but he's the cousin of your manager? Ok probably alot more but I backpedaled from making that contact faster than you can say "They're building a WHAT at Mt. Faber?!"

7) What's sexier than knowing that you put on more than 8kg cos' you haven't worked out for like a year and your former FB still finds you hot?

8) I'm becoming used to kopi-O-peng every morning. Not exactly as glamourous as a cuppa ice blended from Coffee Bean every morning but alot more decidedly economical.

9) Just when I think I might have seen/experienced all the levels of queen-dom one could ever see/experience (I did work in a cabaret for over 3 years dammit!), a new designer bemuses me by speaking pseudo-French loudly on his handphone and has to moisturise his hands like 5 times a day in the office.

10) Whatever may happen, I'm gonna spend my birthday this year out of this god-knows-we're-repressed country. I'm also not above accepting donations for this endeavour