P.S Sorry if this is offensive to anyone. It's purely tongue in cheek!
A Guide to Commonly Used Terms on "Dating" Sites
1. STRAIGHT-ACTING = Remembers to lock his wrist every once in a while. Also believes that using the term "Dude!" in conversations makes him sound "man". Can be found hanging out with "TOP".
2. GYM-BOD = Commutes between home and gym everyday.
3. BUFFED = Steroid-induced pecs and abs. Knows all sources of good protein. A dinner date with him will probably see only you eating while he helpfully tells you the amount of calories and fats in between bites.
4. NO EFFEMS/CROSS DRESSERS = Only one bitch in a relationship at a time. In this case, it's him. See "BOTTOM".
5. MSN ME = Wishes to monopolize your time online.
6. I'M NOT EASY TO GET = He is, but he believes this makes him sound less needy.
7. FUN-LOVING = I'm here for sex.
8. HANDSOME GUYS ONLY = Been told since he was 3 what a God's gift to women everywhere he ws by his doting mother. Also firmly believes he's too good for YOU.
9. JUST HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS = I'm here for sex but I'm discreet.
10. TOP = Believes that being a bottom makes him too gay. See "STRAIGHT ACTING".
11. BOTTOM = Only son / had sisters and female cousins only for company when growing up.
12. I'M NICE = Has absolutely nothing to contribute to a conversation. Be prepared to monologue by yourself.
13. I'M BAD = Believes that having sex in the living room/kitchen is the height of hedonism.
14. I AM ATTACHED = Cannot be seen in public with you.
15. I LOVE TO TRAVEL = Cabin crew.
16. IF YOU'RE NOT CUTE, DONT EVEN BOTHER = Looking for more glamour-shots type of profile to add to his Facebook / MySpace / Friendster.
17. I AM SENSITIVE, LOVING, CARING AND HONEST = Above 45years in age. Probably came out to himself after his failed 2nd marriage. Still hopes it might not be too late.
18. I GIVE GOOD MASSAGE = Orchard Towers masseur looking to do freelance on the sideline.
19. NO PIC, NO REPLY = Believes he's God's gift to gay men everywhere with a self proclaimed Simon Cowell personality.. See "HANDSOME GUYS ONLY".
20. DISCREET = Attached and looking to have one-night-stands on the side. See "I AM ATTACHED".
21. CURIOUS STRAIGHT MALE = Dead fish in bed. Be prepared to do ALL the work.
22. SWIM-BOD = Former GYM-BOD.
23.FUN-SEEKING = Disease carrier. See also "FUN-LOVING".
24. QUIET AND SOFT-SPOKEN = Closeted freak who is so paranoid at home, he believes that answering a phone call could out him. See "STRAIGHT-ACTING" and "TOP".
25. MACHO = Closeted BOTTOM.
26. HOMEBODY = Free-loading bum who's occupation has never stated anything other than "Unemployed".
27. OUT-GOING PERSONALITY = Flaming queen.
28. I DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX = Attached feller who wants a regular fuckbuddy. See also "DISCREET".
29. LOOKING FOR A SOULMATE = Late teens / early 20s who's watched Sex and the City way too many times.
30. I AM NOT HANDSOME = Definitely thinks he is but believes this makes him sound modest. See "HANDSOME GUYS ONLY".
31. I'M HANDSOME, INTELLIGENT, GORGEOUS = Purchased a makeover package recently and believes that's all that it takes.
32. SHY TYPE = See " I AM SENSITIVE, LOVING, CARING AND HONEST" and "CURIOUS STRAIGHT MALE".
33. I’M SENSIBLE = Expect to go dutch on dates. Clashes with "HOMEBODY".
34. I’M NOT JUST INTERESTED IN SEX = Utterly tired of getting rejected.
35. BISEXUAL = Dead fish in bed, but can be persuaded to give a blowjob. For like 45secs.
36. BOYTOY = Over 30s, desperate to be young again.
37. NATURE-LOVER = Doesn't have his own place, may have to do "it" in a deserted park/ under the flyover at Fort Road / East Coast public restrooms if you don't either.
38. HEALTHY INDIVIDUAL = Has every supplement product from GNC & Nature's Farm.
39. EXECUTIVE TYPE = Doesn't own a gym membership.
40. TYPICAL GUY = Totally boring on a date, fucks like a jackrabbit and falls sleep right after he ejaculates.
41. I AM SENSITIVE = Desperately seeking a relationship. Would sms you "miss you" and "love you" after the first date. Believes sex = marriage.
42. I HAVE A WONDERFUL MIND = His excuse for why he's THAT fat. See also "EXECUTIVE TYPE".
43. I AM THE LIFE OF THE PARTY = Party-scene queen. Never home on Friday, Saturday AND Sunday nights before 4am. See also "OUTGOING PERSONALITY".
44. DECENT GUY = Over 40s living with his parents, firmly believes his family still thinks he's straight.
45. I AM FUNNY = Watches sitcoms and laughs along with the laughter tracks. See "I'M NICE".
46. PURE TOP = Been discovered to have a "chocolate berry" once when he was bottom and never got over the embarassment.
